Corporate Satire Lovers Gifts

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

HB Fillmond - A great entrepreneur and capitalist/CD Hainsmore - Always knew who to hitch his wagon to...

'We all have to cut back - I'm giving up the pleasure of giving you a bonus.'

'Ned, your repressed angst keeps tipping over and blocking my light.'

Think zero defects.

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

Boeing CEO Fired

"Today a recorded message told me my call was important to them. How was your day?"

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

"Tell the press we'll have more in the merger when someone fixes our printer."

"We only hire the lactose intolerant. They won't need the milk of human kindness."

"Let's play two truths and a lie: some of you will be fired, some of you won't be, no one's fired."

General Motors bail out.

'What do you mean, you 'outsourced everything'?'

'He just stepped out. But if you hurry, you might be able to catch him on the sidewalk in front of our building.'

"I'll be at lunch. Would you please fluff my pillow?"

'Okay, we raise the salaries of the Ethics Committee members... THEN raise our salaries.'

'The joke's on the Chinese. They built a new factory to get our jobs but mismanagement here killed the company!'

I haven't been hired yet.

Downsizing...

"We welcome our first female employee - to make you feel more comfortable, we put some feminine hygiene products by the water cooler for you!"

"Get someone to make the slot bigger."

Life is Good

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.