Lover Of Corporate Satire Gifts

"From now on, things will be different around here."

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

'Our CEO has been doing a lousy job for years. So, we fire him, while awarding him a $210 million bonus.'

All board members present except Alcock and Brown, doing Community Service.

'We'll need your name, address, and accounting firm you worked for.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Born In Captivity.

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'