Corporate Satire Aficionado Gifts

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'They're the ideal temp workers! Easy to train, industrious, punctual... And with a thirteen-day life-span, they conveniently die before collecting a paycheck!'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'Sorry, but I've forgotten your name. Turn around and let me scan your UPC code.'

"Our capital investment budget wouldn't stretch to replacing you with a proper good robot."

"Sir, it says very clearly that using our product 'May Cause Horrific Mutations' right on the label."

Broward, Finley, Tuttle and Blanton - Expendables.

'Haven't you heard? The rat race is over - we won.'

"Asking for trouble hotline. How may I direct your conscience?"

"Since our stock is now virtually worthless, offer our employees stock options in lieu of a paycheck."

"You should know better, Malloy... If I gave you a raise it would jeopardize the whole economy!"

"I can see you have plenty of experience and excellent references but we are really looking for a ruthless psychopath . . ."

"This position has become very important to the company."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Another day at work would be one too many...