Corporate Satire Fan Gifts

"Oh, what the hell, I'll add another zero."

"That happy little cloud floating over the Unicorp Building? I want that."

"I gotta tell ya, these embezzlement convictions raise a red flag."

'Our customers just aren't getting the message, folks. We need to communicate LOUDER!'

"Personnel have downgraded the new job sec fro 'must be qualified with six years experience' to 'must be alive." "Still seems a lot to ask for the money."

"Would you mind if I saw him first "

'I lead by example as long as I'm not held legally liable.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'Basically, we're looking for cost-effective, efficient tried and true ideas that look like bold innovation thinking while not scaring the poop out of everyone.'

Gary began to think that his performance management meeting could have gone better.

'The environmental impact should be minimal. In any event, we can work around it.'

'How are these secrets getting out? It's almost as if the competition has a fly on the boardroom wall!'

'Mentor? I'm sorry, I thought you wanted a TORmentor.'

'Having reviewed your work, we enthusiastically recommend that you totally disregard the noncompete clause in your contract.'

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"Becoming employee of the month has really gone to your head hasn't it, Eric?"

'No no Mr. Peters, you are not being outsourced. You are being virtualised in 'the cloud'.'

'I can assure you we are carrying out cheques at this very moment'.

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I'll take your collective silence as agreement. You may now remove your gags and muzzles.'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

"Mr. Smith's office doesn't have a door. You have to batter your way through the wall."

"Training has to be a priority...I want you to devise a full implementation programme,as soon as you've finished the cleaning..."

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From failure to success

"Could you nip over to accounts and get this signed,it's just through the door on the left and then 4,500 miles to East Delhi..."

'It's the new company pension plan.'

'I don't think the employment tribunal will be altogether happy with the third column.'

'Conduct dismissal was what I had in mind...but it's just too damned complicated.'

The World's First Condominium Complex Built on Landfill Created From Shredded Documents

'I under-achieve because you over-expect.'

'Until this economy thing straightens out, you'll be working out of your car.'

EFFICIENCY EXPERT, 'You should sell thd whole business and go on welfare.'

"I'll see if he's in, Mr.Tonks - are you a big or small shareholder?"