Corporate Humor Fanatic Pillows

"The boxes with the little horns and tails are strategically placed scapegoats."

"Although it's not unanimous, I'm glad some of you would take me over the cat."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Office pics on dinner table.

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."