Business Joke Lover Gifts

'Starting right about here, our profits are faith based.' (Acme bible sales).

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

"I'm sorry, sir - We don't have anyone here who wants to talk to anyone like you."

"I paid for my MBA as a Mexican wrestler."

“You’re probably looking for the other chief executive.”

'Sorry, Bob. Two's company, three's an organization.'

"Someone here to see you about a merger."

Mr. Edgars won't see you just yet, but be assured you ARE in his force field.

"I'd like to thank Marcus. He's made some valid points and brought some interesting things to the table."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"