Business Joke Fans Gifts

'I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"He'll do anything to say in power."

Non-Power Breakfast

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Scapegoat of the Year

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"It's a swearbox."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'