Business Humor Fan Gifts

"...and so the little corporate raider grew to understand that "unethical" was not the same as "illegal", and he lived happily ever after. The End."

The delicate balance of supply and demand

'This convention lacks just one thing...name tags.'

'It's not an electrical problem. Something's wrong with your corporate DNA!'

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

"Before you connect any more dots, you should know that all the dots have been repurposed."

Beggar's sign: 'Accepting new clients.'

'It's a tough business model based on a low price point, but a shot of vodka really increases volume.'

Buy Earmuffs!

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"Our growth in the last year was phenomenal. But then, we are in the steroid business."

Businessman to other: 'These numbers don't look too pretty. Any way you can run them through Photoshop?'

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

'Smith, throw him out the back and say a truck hit him.'

"Look, time is money- could you please fast forward to your point."

"For an extra fifty bucks, I'll let you show me your Palm Pilot."

Cufflinks + Handcuffs = Embezzlement

"That's Karl, before he was purchased by the Chinese."

'I need more than a troubleshooter... I need a hit man.'

'What gives you the idea we're on a sinking ship?'

"And best of all, they come with a special no-return guarantee"

'I can get you a good deal on sacrificial lambs...'

STRIP *Shelf Life * "This is the future of pop displays! "

'Look, if we're going to make this business work, we need to stop eating all the stock.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

Advertising Agency - Perkins here has found a way to interrupt people's dreams with commercials.

"You can go in now."

"Of course, ladies and gentlemen, the optimum endorsement would be from the Crips and the Bloods."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Celebrating ten years of going out of business.

"Damn it, Bill! Don't tell me you forgot to put the time on the invite."

"For months we'll sell nothing. Then, suddenly, we'll sell two."

I'm on a productivity drive.

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

'You can't fool all of the people all of the time...not on our advertising budget.'