Business Humor Aficionado Gifts

"I want you to find a way to blame all this on El Nino."

'There's a thin line between thinking outside the box and a caffeine-induced wacko idea.'

'Yeah, but they sure make negotiations go faster.'

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

'He's particularly sensitive to criticism that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.'

"This isn't a priority - put our worst people on it."

'How do you do, Sir? My name is John L. Flagman, and I run a successful executive search firm.'

Mal's mail order boomerang service was never a big success.

'Miss Thompson. Get me the charity list, I feel some ethics coming on!!'

'Damn. I forgot to sack the staff.'

Former CEO will work for stock options, bonus, perks, in lieu of salary.

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I'm just the CEO. He has the key to the supply closet.'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

"This new product is going to need a big budget for research and development."

What's the idea taking up my parking space?

Small business administration - 'You're a little too small.'

'I'm a CEO. I run a multi-million dollar business with a strong global presence. I'm told we even have a web site.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Thank You, Goals Achieved... and then some!

'Please don't tell me this is our turnaround specialist.'

Annual Stockholders Convention

'It's never too early in a business's life to start having a corporate culture.'

ANOTHER FINE MESS, INC.

"Manager does not do tricks."

"This is still a mom and pop operation... and I hope your fingernails are clean!"

"Wonderful. Another consultant telling us that the key to success in business is to follow our instincts. Wake me when it's over!"

"Let's just issue last year's annual report and see if anyone notices."

"There's a few employees who strayed from the herd and wandered towards the break room. I'm going to go round them up."

"The algorithm that we use to identify your customer satisfaction ratio is extremely sophisticated, which way up would you like the results?"

"...And the good news is that we only lost two billion dollars last year!"

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

'Note to self...eliminate cold calls from sales strategy.'

"We're finally seeing growth again! The lawn in front of the building is four centimeters higher than last week!"

'Entertaining clients again.'