Lover Of Satirical Business Humor Gifts

"Harris, I can read the annual report without the hand-holding, thank you very much."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"We have an acronym!"

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'