Business Humor Aficionados Gifts

Feces on a stick (huge street vender fly selling shit)

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"It lost a little something in translation."

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

ANOTHER FINE MESS, INC.

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'