Business Humor Admirer Gifts

Lemonade - Don't Pay Till 2010

"I'm confident that if we reduce our corporate ethics by 50% we can save Q3."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"Any questions?"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."