Business Humor Lovers Gifts

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

Cleaner in front of interview panel - 'So what makes you want to apply for the job of Equity Fund Manager?'

'Maybe the stuff stinks.'

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

Man on dock fishing has 'Suggestions' box

"We need to really FOCUS on our customers if we're to rip them off to inflate our profits."

"On the plus side, your business plan is refreshingly direct."

"The first chart is pre-Prozac and this chart is post-Prozac ... "

'Hi, we're your new management team. We're here to save you!'

'All in flavor say 'vanilla'.'

'Our product development department thinks this will help the board better identify with our product users.'

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

'I wouldn't describe myself as a troubleshooter. I'm more a trouble-eater.'

Investment banking - Ethics is our No. 7 concern.

"Oh, we only use them when simple PR won't do."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Spot the difference.

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"Any questions?"

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'