Business Humor Gifts

'Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.'

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"For the benefit of our new employees, we've simplified the corporate flow chart."

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Of COURSE we appreciate having someone with your expertise in mergers and acquisitions, but offhand I can't think of another corporation that would match up with ours.'

Beggar's sign: 'Accepting new clients.'

"It's going well. The manufacturer has even come in and set up a display."

"We're individual traders too!"

'Yes is no longer god enough. Can I get an Amen?'

"All right, everybody, recess is over!"

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

The function of middle management.

'For the remainder of this health and safety discussion, I shall refrain from leaning back too far on my chair.'

'He never lets us forget who actually owns this place,'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"We have a wonderful research department and they've identified you as a potentially hot prospect."

'You're Jenny from accounting, right? I'm Brad from purchasing. How about a little merger?'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

"I'm going to throw this contract out the window, hargraves. Bring it back to me and make sure someone's signature is on it."

"I hate performance review season."

Guru, Inc: VP Parables, VP Allegories, VP Enigmas, VP Riddles.

Never mix business and pleasure.

'Yes, we went into liquidation!'

"You problem is you have no substance."

"I like teamwork - it gives you the chance to blame somebody else."

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'Customers aren't paying us because our ads claim that our siding will pay for itself!'

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

Is it true the company is being relocated in Spain?

"Sure you can see Mr. Donaldson; just cross my palm with silver."

'He's a very good player. It takes real skill to lose to a boss who plays as badly as his does.'

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'