Humor In Business Gifts

'Look humble, Jenkins. The arrogant look is okay in the office, but these are investors.'

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

'Thanks to anger management, my hostile takeovers are friendly mergers.'

'Gentlemen we need more growth.'

"Here we mark our data points, but the real fun is connecting the dots!"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

"It lost a little something in translation."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

'I see everyone got the memo.'

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'