Business Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

'Rumours over the company being insolvent are exaggerated.'

Worms Sales, Inc.

'Babies are tough customers. Sure, they smile a lot, but usually it's just gas.'

"We need more reasons to merge than you want to make new friends."

'They DID turn the economy around.. this is its ASS END!'

'Our stock has been going up all week. What are we doing right?'

'Tell me more about the obscene bonus package.'

"Most people are nice...if we have any of those, fire them."

'Businessman's lunch, fish dinner!'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"Any questions?"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'