Business Humor Fans Gifts

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

"I can't take all the credit, but I did help drive this company into the ground."

No, you may not make a resignation speech.

'Just heard Bob made executive vice-president.'

"Find out who has the licensing rights on this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone quickly."

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'If cooler heads really prevailed, the world would be run by Siberians.'

"...And, while fortunately, I am not losing my job...my heart goes out to those who are!"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."