Business Humor Lover Gifts

'Product diversification, I like that.'

'So, Smith, how do you feel negotiations are going?'

'Heard you had a fire last night.' 'Sh-h-h! It's tonight.'

'No more mergers until I get this one cleaned up.'

'John this is where you should declare your undying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'

'Hey, no problem! I've always felt that a little sales resistance is a healthy thing!'

"The improvement is the higher price."

"Looks promising. I just hope you aren't leading us down the garden path again."

"I'm here to wind up the company."

Sharks' Mission Statement

'Our profit dropped because half of our salesmen are in 'How to increase the profit' - training, sir.'

"Now remember, you can fool some of the people all of the time. Those are the ones you need to concentrate on."

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

Dialed the number, ordered the tapes and placed hundreds of little ads. Didn't hit a snag until step four: Just sit back and rake it in.

'I'll covet this trophy right up to the time I sell it to met my payroll.'

"OK, people! What's wrong with this picture?"

'How long before I have to start paying attention?'

'You definitely need to reorganize. . . to many chiefs, not enough Indians.'

'Our new range of products won't make out customers thin, but they will make our wallets fat!'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'It's an exciting new synthesis of the classical sales approach and the miracle of direct mail.'

Board of directors of a baby products company suck their thumbs after realising sales and profits are down.

"Seeing that you're an alley cat we're adding a morals clause."

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

"I'm sure looking forward to meeting the new management."

Wash Hands After Every Business Deal

'Huggins, our goal is to go green, so we're replacing you with this plant.'

"As a sign of respect for you stockholders, our CEO will use his one phone call from prison to take questions about the recent negative publicity."

Selling oil to the arabs - "I told you our sales manager was good."

"Outrageous. Who put you up to this?"

Business Promotion.

"We run a very ethical company here. Anything unethical is outsourced."

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

'We did a great job obtaining non-profit tax status. That calls for bonuses all around!'

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."