Enthusiasts Of Business Humor Gifts

'They're looking for the bottom line.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

ANOTHER FINE MESS, INC.

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting