Business Humor Appreciators Gifts

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate our product?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'Here you are, Simmons!'

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

"It all looks fine to me."

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'