Office Humor Appreciators Gifts

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

"Remember the good ol' days when sexual harassment wasn't such a big deal?"

I haven't been hired yet.

'She's absolutely RIGHT, these targets make absolutely NO SENSE!'

'Our first order of business is to find where the peanuts are kept.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'What's wrong now?'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

Gay Times...

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'I give this one about three months...'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'