Office Humor Appreciator Gifts

"Sir, the following paradigm shifts occurred while you were out."

Guidance Counsellor: 'Today I was visited by nine students and two teachers.'

"I know I'm suppose to be a customer but what kind of customer...am I tortured, am I HAPPY? What's my MOTIVATION?"

"It's big, slow and proboably a fire hazard. But I was able to pay for it out of petty cash."

"Can you run that past me again, Watson - you seem to have lost me."

'If you would like to read more, the fine print is tattooed to my foot.'

"Hank's our security guy."

'I hear he has a 100% close rate.'

'Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.'

The creative group/the uncreative but very hard-working group.

'He's busy right now. I have to put you on hold. Would you like to hear show tunes, classical or easy listening?'

'Whoa...crushing the will to live and an illusion of full employment! You really are ahead of your time, Igor.'

Human Resources want to knw why you called the job 'deputy logistics facilitation support worker'...because it sounded better than 'skivvy'.

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

'So you want a transfer from light fittings.'

'The job's not finished, until the paperwork's done.'

"A guy coughed on me at work and gave me this cold. I've been the victim of hacking."

"Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it."

IT Consultants

"You've reached the wrong department. Let me transfer you to a place called Nowhere."

'I wish you'd stay focused Simpson!'

'That was devious and despicable... keep up the good work.'

Lawyer Repellant

'It's your coach, sir. He's here to request that you drop down and give him 60 push-ups...'

"Any other references besides 'Man's best friend'?"

'Mrs Sparby realized she didn't have the right personality to be a receptionist, but she was able to improvise and keep her job.'

'Yes, madam, it is a nasty rash but it's not the sort of complaint we deal with.'

Think-Thunk

Juliet Capulet - "You can send in Romeo now Janice."

'Ummm…' isn't an answer. ‘Ummm…' is a mantra. Are you trying to put this company into a meditative state?'

'Your good work leaves me in a splendid position. Isn't that enough reward for you?'

"For God's sake see reason, man! That's the directors' car park below!"

"I'm interested in what you have to say, Carl, but unfortunately my brain isn't."