Business Humor Appreciator Gifts

He's going to help us with our late payers' problem.

We're only happy when you're happy, inc.

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

Self-Outsourced

'Next time, we will schedule our planning session before the martini luncheon.'

'Bill never likes to lose a customer!'

Sourcer Gatherers.

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'I'm wondering what our strategic produce could be?'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

'I can see the practical purpose of fetching - but what's the point of rolling over?'

Could you be a little bit more specific than an 'arm and a leg'?

'We are here to pay our last respects to a beloved CEO and the two vice presidents he decided to take with him.'

"The small businessman's lunch, sir? It's the same as the businessman's lunch but there's less of it."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"Any questions?"

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"