Reading Business Humor Gifts

"Take my advice. I don't use it anyway."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

ANOTHER FINE MESS, INC.

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."