Business Humor Reader Gifts

"Not all the news is bad. Research indicates U.S. Steel would do extremely well as the name of a male fragrance."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."