Business Humor Pillows

'Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.'

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"For the benefit of our new employees, we've simplified the corporate flow chart."

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Of COURSE we appreciate having someone with your expertise in mergers and acquisitions, but offhand I can't think of another corporation that would match up with ours.'

"It's going well. The manufacturer has even come in and set up a display."

Beggar's sign: 'Accepting new clients.'

'Yes is no longer god enough. Can I get an Amen?'

"We're individual traders too!"

"All right, everybody, recess is over!"

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'He never lets us forget who actually owns this place,'

'For the remainder of this health and safety discussion, I shall refrain from leaning back too far on my chair.'

The function of middle management.

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

"We have a wonderful research department and they've identified you as a potentially hot prospect."

"I'm going to throw this contract out the window, hargraves. Bring it back to me and make sure someone's signature is on it."

"I hate performance review season."

Guru, Inc: VP Parables, VP Allegories, VP Enigmas, VP Riddles.

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

Never mix business and pleasure.

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'You're Jenny from accounting, right? I'm Brad from purchasing. How about a little merger?'

'Yes, we went into liquidation!'

"You problem is you have no substance."

"Sure you can see Mr. Donaldson; just cross my palm with silver."

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

'Customers aren't paying us because our ads claim that our siding will pay for itself!'

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

'He's a very good player. It takes real skill to lose to a boss who plays as badly as his does.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

"I'm leaving to join a new cult"

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."