Business Humor Buff Gifts

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

'My particular skill set is mismanaging risk. There seems to be a plethora of people with that skill set.'

'It wasn't an easy decision for me to make. Lots of coin tossing went into it.'

'It's not that I don't appreciate the work you do for us, it's just that nobody does.'

'We can't make hay while the sun shines if the union strikes while the iron is hot.'

"Don't bother Darling, it's yet another loan shark!"

"It was a compromise. We got to keep our jobs, but our lunch break was outsourced to Romania."

'Our CEO has been doing a lousy job for years. So, we fire him, while awarding him a $210 million bonus.'

'It doesn't actually do anything... but it has gotten me more respect since I had it installed.'

'The coup attempt will have to go on your permanent record.'

'They can really take the fun out of a hostile takeover.'

"Is it just me, or did this sales meeting suddenly take a dark turn?"

Sales Dept. is Out to Hunch

"Just keep it boring."

"We need to reduce our overheads."

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

'That's the gist of it, yesterday we heard the jast of it, and tomorrow I hope we hear the last of it.'

"Oh, come on, you know we should have switched to touch-tone years ago."

"Oh, for God's sake. It's just Marketing!"

"Out? What are you, blind?"

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Any questions?"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Sign - Halt manager crossing