Business Buff Humor Gifts

"Let's suppose I don't like the job after a week or so. How much severance pay can I count on?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

A fight in the Boardroom.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"What's a debenture?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Any questions?"