Business Banter Buff Gifts

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'Job security's not great here so we tend to leave our coats on.'

'Not now, Harry. I'm on hold.'

'I've decided to delegate a lot more.'

"You're only making this harder on yourself, Powell."

"Would you mind aligning yourself with the deflated egos? We're overstocked on the inflated ones."

Wanna see something funny? Not really. Armstrong, I'm going to take a 10-minute break. A what? Why not just burn all my profits, you lazy Communist?! I'm asking for the afternoon off. Stop taunting the cheapskate.

'Ms. Sims, do a Google search. Find out how many CEO's have more Google citations than me.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Hi! I'm John. At my old job, my nickname was 'the spark plug of the management team!''

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

A fight in the Boardroom.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"What's a debenture?"

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"