Business Banterist Gifts

'The first thing you delegate - all personal responsibility.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Any questions?"

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'