Business Banter Gifts

' Murder?!..Thank goodness.For one awful moment there,I thought you said there'd been a merger ! '

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

'I don't know about you, but I could do with a break.'

'Apparently if the banks don't pay top whack then senior staff will go off and bugger up someone else's business.'

"I love this work-from-home concept. Now I can fire someone without going to the office."

"While you were out, somebody with three names called."

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

Mixing Business and Pleasure

'If I were you I wouldn't have anything to do with Howard in the Sales Department. He has a history of bowling.'

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"I hate performance review season."

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

Office temperature.

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

'Here you are, Simmons!'