Business Banterer Gifts

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"My business model is the same as my drinking model."

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

Annual run-off at the mouth.

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Office temperature.

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

"Oh, for God's sake. It's just Marketing!"

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."