Business Banter Specialist Gifts

'He claims he's a wit. Well he's half way there.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Office temperature.

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'

"At the end of the day, Maureen, wake me up."

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"It's not backstabbing if I tell our boss how lame you are while you're sitting here, is it?"