Business Banter Specialist Gifts

'He claims he's a wit. Well he's half way there.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

Office temperature.

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"It's not backstabbing if I tell our boss how lame you are while you're sitting here, is it?"