Phone Banter Specialist Gifts

"Wow, that was short. You only talked for 45 minutes. What happened?"

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"I'll have a man overboard!"

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

"It's the drink talking"

Beer companies merge.

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in personal, supportive but not disempowering course?"

'Hi mom! How are you? I'm very well! How is dad? Hi mom...' 'Damned parrots...'

'Sorry but my disposable income is tied up in a roast in the oven.'

'When a caller asks for me, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop saying 'who'?'

'Hello, is that the government? Yes, I was just wondering... is the lambada still forbidden?'

'Why did God create alcohohol?'

Do you cover broken noses...

"Do you believe fish is brain food?"

Yes, I'm sitting down, Sally

Lou's Barber Shop Discussions

'Andy, you can be honest with me. Do you think I'd make a good manager?' - 'Why couldn't she just ask me if I like her hairstyle.'

"You can always tell when Dr. Higgins is making insurance calls. . ."

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

My cell phone minutes don't roll over and I don't want to waste them. That's why I'm dialling random numbers and wishing everyone a good day.

"Okaaay, so 'maybe' I don't 'understand' how air quotes 'work.'"

"If you want anything else, just wave your credit card."

'No. This is orcs. Shipping is extension 419.'

'He claims he's a wit. Well he's half way there.'

"This is the customer care hot line. We make it a priority at Auto y Rod Inc. to put the customer first!"