Phone Conversationalist Gifts

Do you cover broken noses...

My cell phone minutes don't roll over and I don't want to waste them. That's why I'm dialling random numbers and wishing everyone a good day.

Your call is important to us. By the way, is it true that you can hear when a person is smiling on the phone?

Oh, I see – Someone yells ole into a phone, and you just assume it's for me.

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

"We need a new phone."

"Can I call you back? I've got a situation here."

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Nick, are you listening or just buffering again?"

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"My all-time favorite rock group? That would be The Grateful Dead."

"We'd love to, but we had too much wine and cheese in the eighties."

Come to think of it...I could do with a showcase kitchen as it goes...

"My main worry is my anxiety."

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

Little Known Scenes From History: Alexander Graham Bell in prison inventing the phone so he can make his one call after being arrested.

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"I'm still very impressed by natural intelligence."

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

"My computer doesn't understand me!"

"The Department of Revenue and Tax? No, sorry, never heard of it before. You must have dialed the wrong number. This is the Department of Tax and Revenue."

"You've been avoiding me." "Have not, Uncle Mort." "For weeks, you've been dashing out of rooms as soon as I entered." "Coincidence." "What about when I knocked on your door yesterday and you jumped out the back window?" "Look, Uncle Mort, I just didn't want to go through what I went through in 1994." "I was just going to say one thing about the 30th anniversary of the OJ Simpson 'trial of the century!'" "You would think the 'trial of the century' would've been the Nuremberg trials!"

'Hi mom! How are you? I'm very well! How is dad? Hi mom...' 'Damned parrots...'

"IRL sucks."

Randy, do you think I'm stuck working here, working at this cafe? Why do you ask? Maybe I could branch out, test the waters, see if I've got the courage and capacity to try something new. Are you saying I hang out at this cafe because I've got nowhere else to go? What just happened? If I just said something aloud, it had no weight or meaning.

"Some days I wake up grumpy. Other days, I let him sleep."