Smartphone Conversationalist Gifts

'I see from your profile that you are 5ft 3, have blond hair and like red wine.'

21st century water cooler conversations.

Woman on the phone.

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

'He's a man of few works. He likes to talk, he just has a limited vocabulary.'

Modern Narcissism

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"

"Nick, are you listening or just buffering again?"

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

Dan tells me you're an architect. That is so cool! Thanks! Cloud architect, actually.

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"My chat bot doesn't understand me."

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

"Lets take this conversation off line..."

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"I'm working on texting my memoirs."

"I'm still very impressed by natural intelligence."

'Excuse me, could everyone be quiet, I'm trying to talk on my cellphone.'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

"My computer doesn't understand me!"

'I'm having the shrimp scampi. How about you?'

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in personal, supportive but not disempowering course?"

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"Is there an emojis that says 'remember when we used to have a cocktail and conversation before dinner?'"

"Scherer Chevrolet never forgets my birthday."

"IRL sucks."