Boss Banter Expert Gifts

'Wilson, I'll need you to make high pitched screeching noises until I get this modem working properly.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Office temperature.

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'

"At the end of the day, Maureen, wake me up."

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"