Boss Banter Expert Gifts

'Wilson, I'll need you to make high pitched screeching noises until I get this modem working properly.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Office temperature.

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch