Boss Banter Enthusiast Gifts

'You're stiff from too much grovelling and I'm afraid it doesn't count as an occupational disease.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Office temperature.

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch