Office Banter Aficionado Gifts

'I thought things were starting to click for me around here, but it was only my knees.'

"Got your e-mail and the answer is yes, I can pass you the stapler."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion."

"You don't know what it's like in the private sector."

"We do psychological screenings of our candidates to anticipate how they'll react when we can't meet payroll."

"When you think about it, we stocks and bonds salesmen seem to have some things in common with Somali pirates."

"I like to say he has a 'line of view' because it's always so one dimensional."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Golfing Boss

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Work Parfait

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'