Office Banter Enthusiasts Gifts

'There they go, Herb -- the hard-core employed.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Dog's In Tray and Out Tray

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"You calm down."

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"Frankly, we’re concerned about your checkered past."

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'