Workplace Banter Enthusiast Gifts

Drop your Daughter Off at Work Day

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

Indecision and Outrage Trays

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

Two doctors holding hands

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."