Office Banter Lovers Gifts

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'When are you going to switch to decaf?'

"One day past humpday, one to go until slumpday."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

"You calm down."

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

'Whomever pulls the sword from the stone will lead this project.'