Office Banter Lovers Pillows

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'When are you going to switch to decaf?'

"One day past humpday, one to go until slumpday."

"When I told you to cut expenses, I was making a battle-axe inference, not a butter knife inference."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"You calm down."

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

"Any further comments? Alright then, we're adjourned."

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"