Office Banter Lover Pillows

"I'm glad I asked you to write a mission statement, Timpson - you're fired."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Discussing golf swings, around the blood cooler.

'I quit drinking coffee with lunch - it was keeping me awake all afternoon.'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

"We don't affirm people with money. How about a bigger employee discount?"

"I miss the old water cooler."

"We are still hoping to add a few more details later."

"I'm leaving Friday and we are all going to the club after work. Will you come?"

'I want you guys to be aware that a dog-eat-dog environment works for me.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'About the underfloor heating.'

'Is that all for today...just 'Dear Sir'?'

'T.G.I.F!' 'Shut up!'

"Your genration is soft. When I was your age, the lawsuits we filed were much less frivolous."

' And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...'

'Don't worry-we've all been there!'

"Either the whole office reeks or I need a shower..."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'What's wrong now?'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"