Work Banter Lover Pillows

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'What's wrong now?'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

'I give this one about three months...'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."