Workplace Banter Lover Pillows

Boss Impressionist.

"Have you ever been arrested?"

"Stupid bean counter!"

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

Office temperature.

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Two doctors holding hands

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."