Workplace Banter Pillows

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

Barrier around water cooler

Water-cooler wildebeest.

'Bad news and good news, Tomano... they're abolishing my job and I'm taking yours.'

'How about having lunch with me? I'll pay you back at the end of the month.'

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well