Office Banter Enthusiasts Pillows

I gave you that report a month ago, and you're still sitting on it? Well done!

'There they go, Herb -- the hard-core employed.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

Dog's In Tray and Out Tray

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"You calm down."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

"Any further comments? Alright then, we're adjourned."

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"Frankly, we’re concerned about your checkered past."

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'