Lover Of Office Banter Pillows

"I hope your day is going bad."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

'Now that you've moved in and unpacked, Higgins, we'd like you to start thinking outside of the box.'

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

'JB, TS is waiting to see you and GR has just arrived.'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

"We're restructuring - Wednesday moves to Friday, Tuesday becomes Wednesday, Monday stays where it is and Thursday and Friday will be merged with the weekend."

'Now, at first glance, this may LOOK like a challenge.'

"Got your e-mail and the answer is yes, I can pass you the stapler."

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

"I'd like you to fly the flag for the company Benson, albeit at half mast..."

Ordnance: 'explode...implode'.

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"Starting here, each person whisper to your neighbor the purpose of this meeting and we'll see what we end up with."

"That's settled, then. We'll lower our standards to meet the competition."

'Seems like everyday is bring your work to work day.'