Lover Of Office Humor Pillows

"Our staff communications protocols demand that we translate this mumbo-jumbo into gobbledygook."

You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your car in the parking lot with a laptop.

Announcements will be posted so as not to offend anyone.

Inland Revenue,VAT - "It's the cleaners."

"We're restructuring - Wednesday moves to Friday, Tuesday becomes Wednesday, Monday stays where it is and Thursday and Friday will be merged with the weekend."

"Every time he elbow bumps me, he hits my funny bone on purpose."

'He's a very good player. It takes real skill to lose to a boss who plays as badly as his does.'

'Yes, Mr. Peanuckle is expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he'll be with you within the next six to eight hours.'

"Yes, I'm a decision-maker. Well, I think I am. Yes, I am. On ther other hand, I don't know. And then again...."

We all make mistakes but you made a whopper - you took my parking space.

"When Human Resources said that we needed a more diverse workforce I'm not sure THAT'S what they meant!"

"You live your life like some kind of flow chart!"

"Yes or no?"

'We're looking for a candidate who is good at handling unexpected situations!'

Ordnance: 'explode...implode'.

'We're into hot-desking.'

"Miss Plum, send in security please"

"O.K., O.K., Wilkins, on behalf of all alpha males I apologize."

Worker's outbox has a slide that goes directly into the wastebasket.

"Hey, what am I, chopped liver? Just kidding, I know I'm chopped liver but how about listening to some of my ideas once in a while?"

"Apropos your request for a salary increase, we're going to have you appraised."

"Now I'm going to ask for your phone number. You'll say the first three digits, then I'll interrupt you as you're saying the next three digits, then we'll talk over each other, then neither of us will say anything for a few seconds, and then we'll talk over each other again."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'